Loving Hikari
by inviictuss
Summary: Yagami Hikari knew the truth, the awful truth...but no one was allowed to know, because it hurts so much...it would hurt T.K especially, tormented and torn apart Kari didn't know what to do...CHAPTER 5 IS UP!FINAL CHAPTER!
1. If Only You Knew

Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon though I wish I do ^^ The fic called 'And I forgot To Tell You I love You' by Procurerfaith inspired me to write this fic but the story line is original (=^^=) Read and Enjoy!  
  
Loving Hikari Chapter 1 If Only You Knew.  
  
Yagami Hikari gazed out of the window of her room. Sixteen years she had been living in this world but only known Ishida Yamato for eight years. He had been so nice to her and had been so understanding it seemed like only him could understand the pain that she was going through. By just looking at her face, he knew what was wrong. Maybe it was because he underwent the same thing she went through. The news of his sudden suicide still rang in her ears.  
  
Kari felt the tears rolling down her cheeks. All of the digi-destined was shocked and stunned when they heard the news from a very upset T.K. Being T.K's girlfriend she had comforted him and consoled him. No one knew why Matt had decided suicide was the answer to his problems, only Kari knew this. She didn't let anyone know about this, not even T.K and Taichi. Many people guessed why he did this, but none of the came close to the truth. Not one! In factual, the truth hurt, the truth hurt so much. It hurts so much that Kari would just stare off into space one day and didn't realize the tears that had built up in her eyes.  
  
Kari tried with all her might not to think about Matt's suicide especially in front of T.K but it was just impossible! Everyone looked at her sadly, they all wanted to move on but every time they saw Kari cry, it brought all of them back to Matt's death. Taichi had once snapped at her and told her to move on, but she couldn't and Taichi wouldn't either if he knew the truth. But no one was allowed to know what the truth was because it would hurt all of them, especially Takeru, Taichi and Sora. It would hurt them so much that they would fall to the state that Kari was in. Thankfully, Kari was recovering from the shock. She started to go on dates with T.K again.  
  
To see T.K smile was what mattered to Kari now, his happiness was what mattered to her the most. After all that T.K had went through, his parents divorce and now his bigger brother's sudden and tragic suicide, all he need was one last straw before all of his hopes and dreams were destroyed and it would kill Kari to see this happen. So Kari decided to do anything in her power to make him happy and full of life. Though the only thing that could make him back to his old cheerful self was too bring back the dead but she knew this was impossible unless they were living in a world of fantasy, like one of the animes that she watched on TV; Dragon Ball.  
  
T.K looked up so much to his big brother and everyone thought that he was, out of all people, the one who knew Matt so well. But this was wrong, T.K didn't know his brother, apart from the fact that he loved music and that he liked to be alone. That was all. Nothing more. But.there were so much more. A lot more. A lot more than anyone could imagine.  
  
It felt so . so different when the whole gang went out, it felt as if something was missing; something that was so important had disappeared. The Bearer of Friendship had left the world and everyone had a trouble time to get through their days. There would be just this cold atmosphere whenever Matt was mentioned. Everyone pretended as if they have gotten over the shock but this was a downright lie. No one could ever get over Matt's death. If only Kari knew what he would have done, she would have stopped him and save the trouble of everyone mourning. But what was done was done. She couldn't do anything about it anymore. There was only one option, get on with her life. But still, Kari would always go over these thoughts; what if? If I could just. ..  
  
"I'm home!" Taichi called out.  
  
"Hi onni-chan! Erm- lunch is on the table." Said a startled Kari as she quickly wiped her tears off. She knew that Taichi would snap at her again for thinking about Matt's death again.  
  
It had been almost three months since his suicide, so it was still pretty recent. But life had gone back to normal, though everyone still cry inside. Kari walked out of the room and tried to act all happy for Taichi. Usually, Tai could have spotted the act but now, since Matt's death, everyone had been blinded, they all just see what they wanted to see.  
  
"Argh! Who cooked this Kari? This taste likes.argh! Even words can't describe it!" Tai remarked.  
  
"Mum." Kari simply replied.  
  
"Ow, is she home.?" Tai asked as he forced another spoonful of the.food, whatever it was.  
  
"No, she's going to be late, remember?" Kari answered.  
  
Taichi nodded and suddenly ran to the sink, he spat out what he had been munching. Kari looked at him disgustedly. Tai, being three years older than Kari, still had that childish sweetness in him. Some things would never change.  
  
"Don't do that too often Tai, you might become anorexic, funny though, it's usually guys who says this to girls, not girls saying this to guys." Kari said out loud.  
  
"Haha Kari, it's not funny." He said as he wiped his mouth.  
  
Kari giggled softly. Tai looked at her with so much brotherly love. He gave her a very soft and gentle smile. He walked over slowly to the table and sat down on his seat. He gave in a sigh and looked at Kari seriously.  
  
Kari felt herself tensed up. Taichi had never looked at her this seriously. What was wrong now? Could there be anymore accidents? Oh please God no...  
  
"What onni-chan? You know it's not very polite to stare at someone like that." Kari said.  
  
Tai shook his head, his wild hazelnut hair moved from side to side. "Sorry, sorry.I just didn't realize how red your eyes are, you got mum's ruby red eyes, ne Kari?"  
  
Kari looked at him, surprised. Where was this getting at?  
  
"Come of it Tai, what is it that you really want to say? I know it has nothing to do with my eyes!"  
  
Tai shifted in his seat nervously, he looked down at the table and then looked back up again.  
  
"I plan to move out." he said.  
  
"What??!!" Kari yelled as she leaped up from her seat. "You.you plan to move out?! Why?! You said you wouldn't move out until you get married! You promised!"  
  
Tai too got up. "I'm sorry Kari, but my thoughts changed, it's about time I move out, I can't just depend on Mum and Dad all the time, it's not fair for them, I'm old enough to move out, I already work so the rent won't be a problem." He reasoned.  
  
Kari shook her head from side to side. "No.no." She objected. "You promised Tai!! What made you change your mind? Huh? Tell me!!"  
  
Tai shifted his eyes then turned away. There was no doubt about it, Kari knew why. This was always the problem.  
  
"It was Sora wasn't it? It was her wasn't it? Always her! It's always her! Only her opinion matters! Only what she thinks counts! Well what about what I think?? Why don't you start to listen to me? Just because she's your girlfriend doesn't mean she has to control your life!" Kari raged out.  
  
"Look what is it that you have against her? Every time something goes wrong you always blame her! Why her? What has she done?" Tai asked.  
  
"That's besides the point Tai but I'm right, aren't I? It was her idea right?"  
  
"So what if it was her idea? The important thing is that-," Tai was cut short by Kari's tantrum.  
  
'ALWAYS HER! SHE HAS TO BE THE CAUSE OF EVERYTHING! DAMN HER! DAMN HER AND -,"  
  
Slap! Slap!  
  
Kari rubbed her cheeks that had turned a nasty shade of red. She looked at Tai, tears swelling up in her eyes. She was astounded. Tai had never ever hit her! This was the first time!  
  
"Kar.Kari.I'm, I'm sorry.I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hit.I didn't mean to hit you." Tai stuttered but Kari wasn't interested in listening to excuses.  
  
In her mind was Sora, stupid Sora. The cause of everything! What was with the rubbish of her being the Bearer of the Crest of Love? She could commit suicide for all she cared! In her mind, Kari was cursing Sora so bad. Tears gushed down her cheeks. All she wanted was to keep her family together, all she wanted was Tai to stay until he marries somebody, was this request so much to ask for? Or did Sora have to destroy everyone and everything?  
  
Tai took a step towards Kari and tried to hug her but she backed away. He was really sorry, he really was. But it was very mean of Kari to talk about Sora like that. He loved Sora, a lot. Kari just had to get used to the idea of him dating her. He had thought that Kari would be thrilled at the prospect of him dating Sora but something happened, Kari now loathed the sight of this lady that only wanted to give love. Why Kari? Why? You used to adore Sora! You used to give her so much respect! What happened?  
  
"Kari.Gomene Kari, I didn't mean it, but I don't like the way how you talked about Sora, she haven't done anything wrong, you know how much I love her." Tai said softly. He attempted to hug Kari again, but again, Kari backed away.  
  
"Don't love her!"  
  
"Why do you have to hate her so much? What happened to that sweet little Kari that used to adore her? That used to look at her with so admiration? What happened Kari? what happened?"  
  
Kari blocked her ears with her hands. "Stop! Stop! I don't want to hear it!" She cried.  
  
"Kari.you know that deep down you love her like a big sister, what's wrong Kari? You know she's never been anything but nice to you, what's wrong Kari? What happened to you? Where did my little sister Kari gone?"  
  
Kari couldn't take it anymore. "WELL SHE DIED ALONG WITH YAMATO-SAN AND SORA WAS PARTLY TO BLAME FOR IT!" she yelled out, but she wished she hadn't. She covered her mouth with her hands.  
  
Taichi flinched at this. He looked at her, his mouth agape. "What.what did you say?"  
  
Kari ran up to Tai and fell into his embrace. "Onni-chan, tell me I don't look like Sora.tell me that I don't, tell me that I don't remind you of Sora, please don't."  
  
For a few seconds Taichi was speechless, what was going on?  
  
"Kari, to be honest, you do look like her, the colour of your hair, the way your eyebrows twitches when you're trying to think, the way you look at someone you love and the way you break down into hysterics."  
  
Kari closed her eyes shut and shook her head from side to side; more tears came out from the eyes that she just shut.  
  
This can't be right, she said in her mind. I don't look like her, nothing like her, we are nothing alike, not the slightest the same. Tai was lying! He was trying to mock her! Tai you're mean! You're mean! I am not Sora, I am nothing like her!  
  
Kari beat Tai with her fists then she dropped to the floor. Her legs curled up with her hands on them. Her shoulders heaved up and down. The tears continued to flow, it couldn't stop.  
  
"It's not true! You know it's not true! I'm not like her! I'm not! Oh I'm not!" Kari cried out.  
  
Tai was taken aback. Sora was nothing but perfect in his eyes! And Kari knew that, to receive a compliment from him about being like Sora meant along the lines of, you're perfect! Why did Kari found this very offensive? Tai could remember very well when Kari was smaller, she would play charades with him and she would do all these perfect things, when he failed to answer she would squealed out 'I'm Sora! I was pretending to be Sora!" What happened to the sweet innocent girl that Kari was once was?  
  
Tai kneeled down and placed his hand behind Kari's head, he pulled he to him. Kari's forehead was on his shoulder. "Kari.Kari.you're being her right now, this is how she would break down." he said softly.  
  
Kari pulled back straight after this, she looked as if someone just slapped her on the face. Within a second her hand had flown up and slapped Tai's face across the cheek.  
  
"I'm not like her, I'm not like her! You know I'm not!" Kari screamed to him while he clutched his cheek.  
  
Kari got up and ran out of the apartment. Taichi was too stunned to call out to her. Something had troubled Kari, really bad. Once Tai got his self together again, he ran out and looked over the railings. Kari was nowhere to be seen. Where had she gone? His eyes darted here and there but he couldn't see any trace of Kari.  
  
Taichi groaned. Some people walked past behind him at the same time he said something so foul! They turned to look at him and frowned at him. He mumbled sorry to them and then went back inside the apartment. What would his mum say if Kari was not home? Best to call T.K, maybe she decided to go over his place instead.  
  
~*Kari*~  
  
Kari could still feel the unstoppable tears wetting her cheeks. She was not like Sora, she was not! Kari continued to run and didn't know where she was heading. Without knowing it she was in front of Odaiba's Cemetery. She stifled down her sobs, though her shoulders were still heaving. She fought with herself whether she should go in and visit Matt's grave or whether she should just leave. At the end of the debate, she decided to go to Matt's grave, she was already there anyway, nothing to loose.  
  
She sauntered slowly to Matt's grave. It was a hard, grey stone that was bigger than most of the others within view. On it were: R.I.P Ishida Yamato 1983 to 2002 Everyone loved his music and his devotion to Friendship.  
  
Kari kneeled down helplessly in front of it. The tears continued to flow down and down. His death had been so tragic and so sudden, so much unexpected. Even her, didn't see it coming and she knew him well. She knew him better than T.K or his parents. No one guessed this, but out of all people, she was the one who knew him the best. They both went through the same thing and both had suffered the cruelty of the world. Kari thought that Ken was probably also going through the same thing and maybe both of them would end up like Matt. But she refused to end up like Matt. Matt wasn't thinking when he committed suicide; he was very selfish in doing so. But then again, Matt was so fragile and so vulnerable. Like T.K but much more. Kari even considered herself being fragile and vulnerable but she was made up of more than Matt, only for emotional problems. She sometimes was angry at Matt at night times for killing himself. He was stronger than her! She knew it! But he gave up! He gave up! Gave up everything that he had built for himself! If he gave up, did she stand a chance of surviving herself?  
  
"Matt." She said softly. "Why did you decide to take suicide as a solution? Why did you.why did you have to destroy everyone's life? Was it because.of her? Or him? Or.the other reason? I wish you were here to tell me! You're stupid! I hate you! I hate you for doing this to everyone! To T.K and Tai especially!! How could you just acted without thinking the consequences? You know how much T.K looked up to you and I thought you priced your friendship with Tai more than anything else! But.was it, was it because of.?"  
  
Kari couldn't go on. She couldn't bear to say it, it hurt so much! Even if Sora was partly to blame it still hurt! More than anyone could ever imagine. Kari got lost in one of her thoughts again. What if.? If I did this.? Could things have been different? Maybe it would have but more problems would come their way, to the whole gang. She couldn't let this happen and she had to keep everything a secret. Everything would turn upside down if she doesn't; her world, Tai's world, T.K's world, Sora's world, Mimi's world and everyone else's.  
  
Kari breathed in deep sigh. She looked away from the gravestone and looked at the other ones around her. How many of them died because of what Matt went through? How many of them died of suicide? How many of their friends or relatives would die after they realized that they were also going through the same thing? Kari slowly got up, brushed her long, hazelnut hair away from her face. She said a little pray then she started to leave. The wind blew and the leaves rustled as she stepped out of the cemetery, sending her a chilling sensation. Kari turned back once more, she could outline Matt's gravestone from where she was standing.  
  
May you rest in peace, Matt....she silently said. You were such a better brother than Tai to me, maybe because Tai have no idea what I'm going through and still don't, even if tell him, he will think it is some kind of a lame joke. Little did he know that it was because of this, you committed suicide and also because.of other reasons that I cannot bear to think of.  
  
More tears came after this. She wiped them off and turned around. She walked away from the cemetery with disturbing thoughts in her mind. She found her way back to the apartment. She looked up at the tall, crowded building. She grew up in this neighbourhood, so many histories she had there. Where she learned to walk and where she learned to talk. The one place she would never forget. Kari's gaze darted to the building beside it. That was where Matt grew up, where T.K and Matt had some happiness before the divorce. But all of that was no more. Now that would always be a memory and Matt wont ever be there. There wouldn't be Yamato looking out from the balcony, no more seeing him through the window. There won't ever be anymore jokes between Yamato and Taichi, they won't be yelling at each other through the window anymore. Everything had gone!  
  
As these thoughts were swimming in her mind, she didn't realize that there was a boy panting out of breath behind her. Kari didn't even hear her name being called out. It was after the boy grabbed her hips and pulled her towards him that she noticed him. Kari turned her head to see the boy that had grabbed her.  
  
"Takeru-san." Kari said softly.  
  
The golden, haired boy held her tighter to him, his forehead resting on her shoulders. His blue eyes were closed. His white, round hat was on the ground a few feet away from them. His breathing calmed down, his eyes opened but still kept on holding Kari.  
  
Kari placed her hand on top of T.K's hand.  
  
"What's wrong T.K?" She asked.  
  
It took a few seconds before T.K answered her question. "Where did you go? Tai called me and said you ran out of the apartment after you had an argument with him.Did you know how worried I was? Kari, I was scared, I was scared that you would leave me just like Matt and Dad did and I was so afraid that you would do what Matt had done.Kari, I love you so much and I don't ever want to loose you."  
  
Kari turned around to face him. His blue eyes pleaded her not to do this again, his blue eyes told her how much he loved her and that she was the last person that he could trust. He looked so much like a helpless boy of five. Kari went up to his embrace and felt T.K kissing her hair.  
  
"Gomen, Takeru.Gomene. I promise I won't do it again, I just needed sometime alone, I don't want Tai to move out, I'm just like you T.K, I don't want to be alone and helpless, I want my family to stay together and I feared that if Tai leave something bad will happen."  
  
It was on the tip of Kari's tongue to say that Sora would make sure of that but she stopped herself in time.  
  
"I know Kari, I know.but look, you can always visit him from time to time, and he will visit as well, my parents had a divorce because they didn't get along and had lost the spark of love that they used to have with each other, but.your parents hasn't and trust me, your family will stay together."  
  
"How.how do you know for sure.? Are you on Tai's side T.K? Are you?" Kari asked.  
  
"I'm not on anyone's side, I'm just telling you my opinion, if Tai wants to move out then let him, it's his choice Kari, it will be his life and not yours, people come and go in your life but Tai will stay in your life Kari.he will always be here when you need him." T.K answered.  
  
Before Kari could answer, a tender voice called out both of their name from Kari's back. Kari turned around and T.K looked onwards. A lady with russet short hair and russet coloured eyes walked up to them. She wore a white flared knee-length skirt and a red v-neck top.  
  
Kari's eyes burned with hatred and anger that was so obvious to see but the lady ignored it.  
  
"Hi.Sora." T.K said.  
  
"Hello T.K and hi Kari."  
  
Kari looked away instead of replying. Sora looked hurt.  
  
"Kari.I want to talk to you." She said softly.  
  
"There's nothing to talk about!" Kari retorted.  
  
"Sure there is," Sora answered back ignoring the tone that Kari had used. "Your brother told me about the argument you had with him and I can't help but to feel a little guilty for it."  
  
Kari snorted. "A little bit? Not good enough."  
  
"Kari!" T.K exclaimed. "It's not nice to talk to Sora like that, she's older than us and not only that, she is very nice. You told me before it was like having a big sister that you never had, to be honest that's how I feel about her too! Don't you think it's wise to talk to her?"  
  
Kari's head shot up in T.K's direction. No she wasn't the one that was going to leave him; he would be the one who would leave her. Did she make the right choice before?  
  
"Fine T.K! Choose her side! I don't care anymore!" Kari said as she stormed away up to her apartment.  
  
"Kari!" T.K called out and started to run after her. "Wait!"  
  
Sore quickly grabbed T.K's hand and held it firmly.  
  
"What are you doing?" T.K asked angrily as he shook his hand free from her.  
  
"Don't follow her, Tai is up there, they would have a little discussion together." she said.  
  
T.K gazed at her then looked at the apartment. Kari just reached her level and now was standing in front of her door. She turned and took one last angry look at them then walked in.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Willis: Aloha! Be nice to Rach- woops I mean CherryBlossom and review this chapter. Look it's not so hard, press the review button.I let you in a little secret, once you've pushed the button, whatever you wish will come true!! Go on then! 


	2. Sunset Bond

Loving Hikari  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Sunset Bond  
  
In Kari's mind, all there was hatred. Hatred that had never burn had swelled up inside of her. The girl that just used to know love had now been introduced to the cruelty of everything around her. Was she still the sweet girl who wanted to please everyone? Was she? No, she wasn't, she had developed into something so much more.  
  
As Kari slipped her shoes off her name was called out from Tai's room. Should she go over and see what he wanted to say? Maybe even apologize for slapping him?  
  
Kari shook her head from side to side, no, why should she go and why should she apologize? It was his fault and not hers! Kari walked straight past his room and entered hers. She collapsed on her single bed that was covered with a baby pink blanket that had white Sakura petals on it. She buried her nose on her white pillow and smelt the smell of her perfume on it, Angel.  
  
It wasn't long before Tai entered her room with a troubled look on his face. Kari sat up.  
  
"What now?" Kari asked with such anger in her voice.  
  
Tai was very taken aback. "I just....I just wanted to see how you were doing," he said.  
  
"Well I'm fine!"  
  
No one said anything.  
  
"What else? You said what you wanted to say, or is there more?" Kari asked vehemently.  
  
"Well, you see here, if you don't want me to move out, I won't," he said softly.  
  
Kari's eyes widened. Tai really love her and he would stay for her sake. She looked at him straight in the eyes, there was.disappointment and sadness in there. Her mind clicked, this was a test, something that he and Sora had concocted. They're so stupid to think that she wouldn't realize this. If she was still the little girl that they knew then she would have gone along with it, but she's not anymore. If she was the little girl that they knew, she would have said, no onni-chan, move out if you want, I'll be fine by myself. But since she's not.  
  
"Really onni-chan? That's really nice, thank you for understanding my feelings," Kari replied simply.  
  
As she had predicted, Tai was speechless. His mouth parted slightly.  
  
"What onni-chan? Is something wrong?" Kari asked.  
  
"No, nothing is wrong," he replied quickly.  
  
Kari smiled at her only brother, her only bigger brother who had done nothing but please her and protect her. Her smile evaporated when she remembered the times that she had had with him. Was it right to do this to him? Was she being selfish?  
  
"Onni-chan.you.you can move out if you want," Kari said finally with a sigh.  
  
Tai's face brightened but that look was soon replaced by concern.  
  
"Kari," he said slowly as he walked over and bent down in front of Kari. He placed his hand on her shoulders. "I don't know what's going through your mind right now, but whatever it is, I hope you know that you can always come and talk to me about it, I'll try my best to understand it. You're my only little sister, somebody who I really care about, my shining light, somebody who I can be proud of, I just want you to know that I'll always be here, ready to give you advice and opinions, ok Kari?"  
  
Kari nodded slowly and watched Tai walk out of her room after he gave her a kiss on her forehead. As soon as the door shut, tears escaped her eyes.  
  
Oh how I wish everyday that I could tell you, Kari said in her thoughts. How I wish I could, you have no idea Tai what is going on in my mind and it's better if you don't. It would only destroy you and torn T.K apart. You two are the two people that I cannot bear to hurt, not now not ever! I can't bear to say it especially after Yamato-san's death.  
  
The tears gushed out and Kari brought her hands to her face. No, no. Don't think about Yamato-san's death, it's not worth to cry over. There's nothing that you could do about it. It was his choice and there was nothing you could do about it.  
  
Yes, yes! There was something that I could do! Kari answered her own mind. If only I said, if only I had . Kari took her hands off her face.  
  
The tears continued to flow down, one after the other as Kari's eyes stared blankly at her door. She lifted her right hand and wiped them off, but it still came out of her eyes. More and more it flowed, never stopping. Kari blinked, and looked down.  
  
No use for grieving, Kari he's gone! Let it be!  
  
But Kari knew, the day that she would get over his death would be the day that she died.  
  
There was a knock on the door of her room.  
  
"Kari?" a like child-voice said from the other side of the door. "Can I come in?"  
  
T.K, her fragile, vulnerable Takeru. As much as she wanted him to know why she was acting like this, she couldn't bear to say it to him.  
  
Without being invited to come in, T.K opened the door and walked in. His eyes widened with astonishment as he eyed his angel. He couldn't believe what he was seeing, Kari's eyes were red and watery from the crying and her nose was also red from crying.  
  
"Hik, Hikari," T.K said softly as he walked over and bent down in front of her.  
  
Kari didn't answer him but instead looked at him with such sorrow and woe. She would never want to see his usual cheerful blue eyes turned lost, empty and sad. She knew that that would happen if she told him.  
  
"Hikari-chan, what's wrong? Tell me what's wrong so I can try to make it right for you," Takeru pleaded.  
  
Kari's lips parted to say something but closed almost immediately.  
  
T.K put his head on her lap. "Kari.I can't stand to look at you like this, say something, tell me what's going through your mind, I can't.I just can't stand it if you like this, seeing you like this makes me remember. . .remember. . ." T.K's voice trailed off there.  
  
T.K didn't need to finish his sentence for Kari already knew what he was talking about. Tears, anguish, sadness and misery. Four similar things that had taken its stand and represent Yamato's death. See tears, it was Yamato that you would think about. Anguish; pain and torture that you feel when you remember his death. Feel sadness, your mind would wheeled around to Yamato and you would always feel miserable if you think about it. But happiness.happiness was what you feel when you remember him. Remember his 'hair', remember his rare smiles and remember his soothing voice. Kari crawled back inside her womb of memories and pictured Yamato in her head. She remembered one of the memories that she had with him.  
  
~F|_a$h|3@cK~  
  
She was about twelve then and he was about fifteen. She was walking past her brother's school when she saw Tai, Sora and Matt, arguing. Kari hadn't known how long the argument had lasted for and what it was about, but it was just about to end because a few seconds later, Matt left and ran past her without noticing her. Neither Tai or Sora chased after him, they just stared off into the direction that he had gone. It looked like that Tai and Sora didn't even notice she was there.  
  
Kari waited to see whether one of them would at least run after him, but none did. So Kari decided that it was up to her to calm Matt down, she had a gift of calming people down and so many people had told her so.  
  
Kari turned and started running to Matt, she could outline the shape of his body as she ran, getting bigger and bigger. Finally she was close enough to him for her to shout out his name and he would definitely hear.  
  
"Yamato-San!" she had shouted. "Yamato-san!"  
  
Matt turned around and was surprised to see Kari running to him. His sky- blue eyes looked at her with surprise.  
  
It was then that Kari noticed how bright and shiny his eyes were. It was so beautiful but yet so sad. Something in it moved Kari's heart, it was so beautiful, so stunning but it was sad all over. She stopped in front of him and caught her breath.  
  
He held her shoulders with his hands and had looked at her with concern but with something else too, sadness. "Are you ok?" he had asked. His eyes sharpened as if he saw something in her that no one else had.  
  
Kari managed a weak smile and straightened herself out. "I'm fine, I'm just not used to running, I'm not athletic."  
  
Matt smiled and it had warmed her. Now she understood why girls would love to see Matt smile at them, he rarely smiles.  
  
"What brings you here to me?" he asked.  
  
"Well I -. you see-," she started to say but her words got mixed up. She didn't want to offend him or anything like that.  
  
"It's ok, you don't have to tell me," he said. He turned around from her and started walking away.  
  
Without thinking and without knowing why, she followed him. She knew that he knew she was there, though he didn't acknowledge her presence. Instead he just walked on and on until he reached the end. Kari realized that they both were standing at the edge of a sea cliff. The sun was setting and it took her breath away.  
  
"Beautiful isn't it?" Matt asked softly.  
  
"Yes, it is." Kari said awed.  
  
Like Matt's blue eyes, the sunset was beautiful but yet so sad. "I come here a lot you know," he started to say. "So I can relieve any stress that I have, like what I'm doing now."  
  
Kari didn't say a word, urging him in silence to tell her more.  
  
"I wish I was a child again, carefree, do things and not caring of the consequences, once you get older you will crave to be young again, crave for the memories of yourself when you were younger, remember how it used to be and see how different it was then than it is now.life before was so much better."  
  
Again Kari didn't say anything.  
  
"I know you saw me, your brother and Sora fight and I know you're asking yourself, what could have happened to had make us fight? I don't think I'm the right person to tell you why, but I'm pretty sure Sora and Tai aren't keen to discuss it. Sooner or later you will know, trust me, but I can't tell you now, because it just happened and it would drive me to insanity if I talked about it, just know this, I'm in love with Takenouchi Sora and I love your brother more like a brother than just a friend."  
  
Kari gasped. "You're...you're in love with Sora? But...but, onni-chan, he...he..." her voice had trailed off there.  
  
Matt turned to look at her. "Yes, he's also in love with Sora..."  
  
"Is this...is this why you three fought?" Kari guessed.  
  
Matt sighed. "No, not because of this, something else, and anyway, no one but you and I know that I'm in love with Sora, no one else..."  
  
"Really? So why are you telling me? Aren't you afraid that I might tell Tai?" Kari asked with curiosity.  
  
"I'm not afraid, because I know you wouldn't tell, the reason why I'm telling you is because, I know you're going through something like what I'm going through, similar but different."  
  
Kari's body froze, if he's talking about what I think it's about...if he...  
  
Matt had noticed the look that had appeared on her face. Fear.  
  
"Don't worry Yagami Hikari," he said with a smile. "I wouldn't tell anyone."  
  
"But, but you're T.K's brother..." she said softly, her body slightly shaking.  
  
"I know I am, but that doesn't mean that I will tell him," Matt said.  
  
"But how did you know? How did you know about it? No one knows, I don't even write it in my diary so Tai couldn't have possibly known...it's all in my head, my thoughts, my heart and soul!"  
  
Matt turned away from her and sat down on the ground.  
  
"I told you, we are alike, we're going through the same thing, I know the way you think because that would be the way that I think, if you concentrate a tiny bit more you'll be able to know why and what it is that we both are going through, though it doesn't have a name or some kind of meaning, it's just....that...."  
  
Though Kari was puzzled, she tried with all her might to understand. She walked over and sat next to Matt.  
  
"Why don't you tell Sora?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Tell Sora how you feel..."  
  
"What about your brother?"  
  
"If it's what you want then go for it, take the chance while you still have one, it's not like my brother has claimed her or anything."  
  
Matt turned his head to look at her.  
  
"Shouldn't you be saying this to yourself?" he asked with slight mockery tone to it.  
  
Kari's face turned a bright crimson red. "My situation is different," she explained.  
  
"But much more simple," Matt added.  
  
"It is, but . ..T.K ..."  
  
"If it's what you want, go for it! Ne, Kari?" he said and started to laugh.  
  
"It's not funny, Matt," she said.  
  
"Laugh it up Kari while it still permits us too..." Matt said.  
  
"You're T.K's brother, how can you laugh it up?"  
  
"You're Tai's sister, how can you be telling me to go for it?"  
  
"Answering a question with a question.enough said,"  
  
"Come off it Kari, don't be so serious and try to be cheerful! Heck we don't get to be happy and cheerful much," Matt said.  
  
"That's true."  
  
It was dark then, but there was enough light from the houses nearby for them to be able to see each other.  
  
"Getting late, I should take you home, Tai and your parents would be worried sick," Matt said as he stood up.  
  
"Can we talk again sometime?" Kari asked as she too got up.  
  
"Sure, just call me and we would set up a time, ok?"  
  
"Ok, make sure you don't tell anyone about you-know-what," Kari said.  
  
Matt started to laugh again.  
  
"What's so funny?" Kari asked, irritated.  
  
"No one is around and yet you still said 'you-know-what'," he replied.  
  
"You can never be too careful!" Kari answered and stalked off leaving Matt to follow her.  
  
Matt chuckled softly to himself and muttered 'silly girl' and started to follow after Kari. After sitting at the edge of the cliff, watching the sunset, they hadn't known it then, but it had created a strong bond between them.  
  
~enD of F|_a$h|3@cK~  
  
"Kari? Are you there?" T.K asked his voice panicking.  
  
"Oh what? Yes I'm fine, erm- I just don't feel to well T.K," she answered.  
  
"Do you need any medicine? Any at all?" he asked.  
  
"No, no, I don't need any medicine."  
  
"I'll go and get you a glass of water then," T.K said.  
  
Kari nodded and watched T.K disappear out of her view. Remembering Matt was like remembering a past - life. As if it happened such a long time ago, though it was hard to believe that he was alive just three months ago. Just three months ago he was still energetic, still happy and cheerful towards her, he covered his sadness with a smile, with jokes and with . . . memories.  
  
Kari you're stupid! Her mind screamed at her. He was talking about memories, memories of you, him and the others. He was giving you hints, hints to tell you what he was planning. He thought that you would have stopped him, he probably have waited for you before he committed suicide so you could stop him. But you didn't! You failed him! You had forgotten to think the way he thinks! Kari you as much killed him!  
  
These sudden thought struck Kari numb. Cold sweats started to appear. She felt as if her heart had been frozen.  
  
His death was her fault! She was too selfish to think about her when he needed her! If Matt didn't tell her that outrageous news she would have a clear mind and would have spotted his plan.  
  
Kari ran to her door and locked it.  
  
No one was allowed to come in, no one. She ran to her studying table and opened up her first draw. In it was a pair of scissors. Without thinking she picked it up and quickly sliced her wrist. 


	3. Aishiteru Sora

Hey! Finally the next chapter is up ^^ hehehe, I hope you guys like this chapter. enjoy!  
  
Loving Hikari  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Aishiteru Sora  
  
The pain hit Kari seconds after she pressed the blade against her skin. Kari started to cry even more. It hurt so much!  
  
"Kari? Kari? Open the door!" T.K said from the other side of the door. He hadn't realized what was happening inside.  
  
Then Kari started to bawl, she started screaming, the blood trickled down and the sight of it scared Kari.  
  
"KARI? KARI?" T.K's voice turned into worry. "OPEN THE DOOR KARI! TAI, TAI! COME HERE!"  
  
Kari fell down against her bed, one of her hands clutching her wrist.  
  
Suddenly the door opened forcefully, Tai and T.K had kicked it open.  
  
"Oh my god Kari!" Tai cried as he ran to her and scooped her in his arms.  
  
"Hika...Hikari-chan..." That was all T.K could say.  
  
"T.K, don't just stand there! Grab the car keys in my room!" Tai cried.  
  
T.K nodded and hurried to Tai's room while Tai got out of the apartment and ran with Kari in his arms to the car park. Kari was still holding on to her wrist, trying to block the blood from coming out. She sobbed loudly on Tai's shoulder.  
  
"Onni-chan, gomene... gomene..." She sobbed.  
  
"It's ok Kari..." Tai soothed.  
  
Soon enough T.K was beside Tai and they both made their way to Tai's car.  
  
T.K inserted the key to the front door and unlocked all of the doors. Tai opened the back door with one of his hands and placed Kari on the seat, quickly but gently. After that he ran to the front seat, turned on the engine, and drove out of the car park as quickly as he could. He didn't care whether he would get a speeding ticket, he didn't care if the cameras on the traffic lights snapped pictures of his number plate for going through the red light. All he cared about was getting Kari into a hospital and fast!  
  
"Onni-chan...it...it really hurts..." Kari said from the back.  
  
"I know Kari, I know, just hold on, we're almost there," Tai answered quickly.  
  
Kari started to cry again, looking so helpless while clutching her wrist. Some blood had escaped her hold and had slithered down her arms and down to the seat.  
  
T.K turned from the front chair and gazed at Kari sorrowfully. His blue eyes showed his pain, sorrow and agony as if it was him who had cut his own wrist.  
  
Kari saw his eyes that were full of pain. She felt so bad inside. She was the cause of his sorrow.  
  
"Gomene...Takeru-chan..." she mouthed softly.  
  
T.K took of his seatbelt and from the gap of his chair and Tai's, he went to the back.  
  
"T.K what are you doing?!!" Tai asked.  
  
T.K didn't answer him, instead he lifted Kari's head from the seat, placed it on his shoulder, held on to Kari's wrist and was kissing Kari's hair as tear by tear escaped his eyes.  
  
"Almost there Kari, almost there Kari..."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Argh! Where is he?" A girl complained to herself as she crossed her arms.  
  
She knocked on the door of the apartment for the third time and waited, but no one came.  
  
Finally, she gave up. She turned away from the door and started making her way to the elevator. Should she go up to her home and wait for his call? Or she should just take a walk by the streets and maybe bump into him?  
  
She debated in her mind what to do, the elevator door opened and she walked in. Her hands pressed the ground level.  
  
Might as well go somewhere, there's nothing to do at home anyway, she thought.  
  
As she was walking away from the building, she heard his voice for the second time that day. The voice that had told her what he really felt for her.  
  
"Sora, Aishiteru Sora, Aishiteru..."  
  
It was as if the wind were whispering those last emotional words that he had said to her. Sora turned her head towards his building, his old home. She looked at his balcony, half expecting him to come out and start screaming Tai's name.  
  
Sora felt the urge to go over his place, to see his room, to feel his presence. She missed him so much. She started to walk over to his place while remembering how it was like when she first found out that he had committed suicide.  
  
Creak. She had just turned the tap off from washing the dishes. Even though she was only living with her mum, there were plenty of plates, mugs and cutleries to wash.  
  
She was about to go to her room to rest when she heard the noise of a siren and screaming, loud screaming that sounded so much like Kari's voice. Sora ran to her door and looked down from the railings. There was no doubt, it was Kari's voice. Sora looked at the ambulance that had stopped in between of her building and Yamato's building.  
  
What was it doing there?  
  
She continued to hear Kari's continuous screams, and then finally she caught on the words that Kari was screaming.  
  
"NO! HE'S NOT! HE CAN'T BE! IT WAS ONLY YESTERDAY...IT WAS ONLY YESTERDAY THAT ... THAT...."  
  
Sora heard loud sobs after this and then the screaming continued.  
  
"NO, HE'S NOT DEAD! YOU PROBABLY HEARD THE WRONG NAME! IT CAN'T BE.IT CAN'T BE!! IT JUST CAN'T BE!"  
  
Who can't be dead? Sora asked herself. Could it be....could it be Tai?  
  
Sora quickly ran to the elevator and made her way down to Tai's level. When she reached it she ran as quickly as she could to his apartment. In front of his apartment were both Kari and Tai standing by the railings. Relief washed through her body.  
  
Then her gaze locked with Kari's. Sora was surprised to see such hatred burn in her eyes.  
  
"YOU! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Kari screamed.  
  
Tai turned and Sora was surprised to see so much sadness in his eyes.  
  
"Taichi-kun..." Sora said softly.  
  
She ran to him and fell into his embrace.  
  
"What's wrong Tai? What's will the all the screaming? Who's dead?" Sora asked.  
  
"It's...it's...." Tai started to say then his voice broke.  
  
"Who is it?" Sora asked again.  
  
"It's...Yamato...." Tai finally said.  
  
Sora's body suddenly felt numb. Yamato? Dead? Can't be! It was impossible! It was only last week that he told her how much he loved her, and it was only yesterday that she heard him playing his harmonica. How can he be dead today? When only yesterday he was alive?  
  
"Tai, you must be mistaken, he can't be dead...he just can't be..." She had started to say desperately as the tears escaped her eyes and ran down her cheeks.  
  
"I'm sorry Sora, but ... it's true, he's dead," Tai said.  
  
"YOU'RE HIS BESTFRIEND! HOW CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS? THE WHOLE IDEA IS ABSURD!" Sora screamed.  
  
"Sora...listen to me," Tai said. He too was crying now.  
  
"NO YOU LISTEN TO ME! HE IS NOT DEAD!" Sora screamed as the tears continued to run down.  
  
Slap!  
  
Sora looked up to see Kari's face that was full of sadness. Her shoulders were heaving, her eyes were red and the tears hadn't stopped.  
  
"I hate you Takenouchi Sora!" she hissed. "Forever I will hate you!"  
  
Sora clutched her cheeks. What had she done?  
  
Kari suddenly ran away from them, to the elevator and down to the ambulance. Kari knocked down everyone that was in her way. Kari was really angry that all this people who don't even know Yamato were there.  
  
"Excuse me Miss," a police officer said. "You can't go in there; a boy just committed suicide..."  
  
"I HAVE A RIGHT TO GO IN THERE! HE'S MY BESTFRIEND!" she screamed, loud enough for even Sora and Tai to hear.  
  
Sora and Tai was shocked. Kari was never Matt's bestfriend, Tai was his best friend. They too now ran down.  
  
"I'm sorry Miss, all of the girls here are sad that he's gone too, but they're not acting the way you are now, just calm down..."  
  
"BUT IT'S BECAUSE I'M HIS BESTFRIEND!" she screamed again.  
  
"Let her in..."  
  
The police officer turned to see Yamato's dad there.  
  
"Al...alright..."  
  
"What...what did he....what did he.....do? He's not really dead is he?" Kari asked.  
  
"I'm afraid he is, Kari...."  
  
The reality finally hit Kari and she felt two hands on her shoulders. She knew whose hands it was, it was Tai's. Sora was standing still beside him. She was on the edge of hysterics. Tai wasn't crying but his eyes said it all. It clearly shows his loss.  
  
The paramedics came out with the stretcher with Matt's body on it, covered by a white sheet.  
  
"No!!! Don't take him!" Kari screamed. She broke free from Tai's grip and ran towards Matt body.  
  
Kari held on to Matt's body really tight. Sora and Tai were really surprised at how hard she was taking this whole thing.  
  
"Yamato-san....I'm...I'm so sorry...I understand how you feel...is it too late now Matt? Is it? I want you back.I want you back!!!!! Wake up!!! Tell everyone here! Show them that you're still alive!" Kari cried.  
  
"Kari!" Tai yelled as he ran towards her. "You're not making this any easier for anyone!"  
  
He grabbed her and pulled her away and the paramedics carried the stretcher to the ambulance.  
  
"No!!!! MATT YOU PROMISED!!!!" Kari screamed. "Tai! Let go off me!"  
  
Then Sora too started screaming. "Matt!! Gomene Yamato!! I'm sorry!! I regret for saying the wrong thing!"  
  
Tai finally gave up trying to get everyone to calm down. He too was upset and he was emotionally exhausted. He didn't need to cry, he didn't need to show how Matt was a big loss to him, he didn't need to show it by screaming and crying, everyone knew, everyone knows.  
  
Sora turned to face him but Tai didn't look at her. He was lost in his memories.  
  
Sora turned back to look at the ambulance getting smaller and smaller. What was he thinking when he was killing himself, was he thinking about her? Was he thinking about Tai? Was he thinking about Kari...or most of all, was he thinking about T.K? What was his last thought before he crossed over to the other world? Was he thinking about the adventures in the digital world? Was he thinking about the fun they all had together? Did he remember everyone's love for him? She hopes he did...because she knew she was one of the people who loved him the most.  
  
Sora walked over to Kari and hugged her close to her heart. Her hands were wrapped around Kari's shoulders, and Kari held on to her hands. It was the last time Kari had let Sora show affection and love to her and it was the last time that she responded to her affection.  
  
Soon enough Sora was standing in front of Matt's apartment, the one that he would never walk on again. Only his dad lived here now. Sora felt sorry for the guy, Yamato's mum blamed his dad on his suicide, something about not paying attention to his needs. Nevertheless, this guy was lonely and in need of a family, she knew that T.K visit him from time to time, but seeing his son for about a few hours once a in a few days was never enough.  
  
Sora took a deep breath and knocked on the door. The door opened almost immediately. Sora's eyes widened when she saw Yamato's dad. It didn't look as if he hadn't taken showers in ages! She was sure that he had not gotten over Matt's death, it was obvious to see. He must feel really lonely now.  
  
"Oh Sora, now is not such a good time, I'm cleaning and clearing up Matt's things," he said.  
  
"Oh I can help!" Sora said.  
  
"You sure? It's not a very fun job."  
  
"No it's fine, I have nothing to do anyway..." Sora answered.  
  
Mr. Ishida hesitantly opened the door for her to get in. The apartment wasn't as messy as she thought it would be. Sora walked over to Matt's room and looked in. She felt like she was about to cry. It brought back so many memories.  
  
"Mr. Ishida, I think you should rest for a while, I'll be able to sort which things to throw away and which things to keep..." Sora said.  
  
"Are you sure about that?"  
  
"Yes, I'm pretty sure, you've worked on this for a long time, I'll be fine, honest!" Sora said.  
  
Mr. Ishida nodded and left the room. Sora sighed and walked over to Matt's old bed and sat down on it. She started blankly into space for a few minutes, then she got up and bent down on the floor. She looked underneath his bed and started to clear all the things that were there. It was after all of the things were out that she noticed a loose floorboard. Sora squeezed her body underneath the bed and lifted the floorboard slowly. She inserted her hands underneath and brought out all of the things that were in there. She brought them out as soon as she had squeezed herself back out.  
  
There were seven letters each addressed to the first digi-destines and a video tape. Sora turned the tape around to see what it was about and it said 'Just for Hikari.' Sora twitched her eyebrows and sighed. She'll give it to Tai to give to Kari, she knew that Kari would accuse her of snooping around a dead person's room.  
  
Sora then looked at the letters and soon enough she found the one addressed to her. She turned the envelope around and she opened it.  
  
In Matt's neatest handwriting it said, 'Sora, I'm one hundred percent sure that Kari really hates you now and I am to blame for that....forgive her if she has been acting really cold and mean towards you, I know deep down she doesn't mean any of that.'  
  
Sora read on and finally she closed it and felt the tears dropping.  
  
"I see now, I understand now Matt..." she said softly.  
  
Sora gathered all the letters and the video tape. She got up and walked out of the room with those things in her hands.  
  
Got to find Kari, Sora said in her mind, she had misunderstood.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Gatomon: For the people who don't know, Gomene, is the Japanese word for sorry, and aishiteru is the Japanese word for I love you..^^ Oh yeah! Press the review button!! Or else my tail ring will disappear..!! Purr. 


	4. And So I Said a Little Prayer

Wohooo, another chapter of Loving Hikari is up!! Read and enjoy, I expect this story will end soon, but dont worry about that...Just read! lol ^^ Enjoy!  
  
  
  
Loving Hikari  
Chapter 4  
And So I Said a Little Prayer…  
  
Taichi was seated in a room of the hospital, watching Kari who was fast asleep on the provided bed. She looked so worn out; she seemed to have aged a lot in minutes. Kari's left wrist was wrapped in white bandages and T.K was holding her hand.   
  
Taichi truthfully felt sorry for T.K. What would have happened if Kari died of suicide, three months after his bigger brother's death? How would he cope?  
  
And how would you cope, Yagami Taichi? A little voice in his mind said.   
  
I would have had a mental breakdown, Taichi said in his mind.   
  
"Tai…" T.K said just above a whisper. "What…what do you think made Kari do this?"   
  
"I don't know T.K, I just don't know," Tai replied.   
  
"Do you think it was because of me? Have I done something wrong Tai? Because if I have, I will do anything to make it right again…" T.K said, blaming himself.   
  
"No, I don't think it's you buddy, I think Kari is just stressed out," Tai reassured.   
  
T.K didn't say anything else. He could feel the tears that he needed to shed for his brother's death and for Kari's suicide attempt, burn in his eyes. The two people who meant everything to him didn't want to live with him anymore and they knew the only way they could escape him was to die.   
  
With his trembling hands, T.K covered his face as his shoulders shook, as the tears came out.   
  
Just let it all out, cry as much as you want, there's nothing wrong with crying. Let the others see you're suffering, let them know, so then maybe they can help you.  
  
T.K soon felt a hand on his shoulder but it didn't stop him from crying. Nothing could! Except maybe if it turned out that Matt hadn't really killed himself, and that Kari didn't try to commit suicide, then everything would be alright. Everything would be just like the way it used to be.   
  
"I hope…she wakes up soon," T.K said.   
  
"She will wake up," Tai replied softly.   
  
Not like Yamato…whose eyes were closed, who rested in an eternal sleep, Tai was saying in his mind.   
  
"I miss Matt," T.K said.   
  
Oh God! Why is he talking about Matt at a time like this? Isn't it painful for him? Because it's really painful for me…Tai thought silently.  
  
"I miss him too, everyone does…"  
  
"I wish he would come back," T.K softly whispered.  
  
It was time the tears to hit Tai's eyes. He wanted Matt to come back too, he wanted to be able to hear Matt sing and listen to Matt playing his harmonica again. He wanted to go over to Matt's place and see Matt apply gel in his hair. He wished that Matt hadn't been so stupid to actually kill himself. Some courage Matt had to kill himself, probably much more courage than Tai himself could muster. But it was a type of courage that no one needed; a type of courage to be feared.   
  
"I…I wish he would come back too T.K," Tai forced out the painful words.   
  
Just then Tai's cell phone rang. Tai walked outside, he didn't want to make so much noise in the room.   
  
"Hello?" He said to the phone.  
  
"Tai where are you?! I've been looking all over for you," Sora said, annoyed.  
  
"I'm at the hospital Sora," Tai answered.   
  
"What? You serious? Why?"   
  
"It's Kari, she tried to kill herself today," Tai said quietly.   
  
"I see…"  
  
"What do you mind, I see?" Tai hissed. "Don't you wonder why? Don't you feel at least a little bit upset because of it?"   
  
"I do feel upset because of it but I don't wonder why because I already know why," Sora replied.   
  
Tai was surprised to hear those words, really surprised. How could Sora possibly know when she was much hated by Kari?   
  
"Why then?" Tai asked.   
  
"I don't think I'm the right one to tell you Tai, I think Kari alone is the one who has the right to tell you," Sora said.  
  
Tai felt really frustrated by Sora's reply. "I don't think she's in any condition to tell me, Sora…"  
  
"Stay there, I'm going over there right now, and I mean it this time when I say you must stay there, I've got something for you and also for Kari…"   
  
Tai nodded his head, forgetting the fact that Sora couldn't see him nod his head. "Ok...come as soon as you can then."  
  
"Alright, I'll see you…"   
  
The line went dead.  
  
Tai inserted the phone to his back pocket and turned to look at the room that Kari was in. It was a sight to see indeed; hope holding on to the light, hope staring at the light hungrily. Wishing that he could reach it someday, asking for the light to be part of his life.   
  
Finally Tai walked back into the room. He placed his hand onto T.K's shoulders again. Now if Sora came in she would see it a different way; Courageous hope holding onto the light. And then if Sora also placed her hand on T.K's shoulder it would be courageous hope, offering love to the light. Sounds kind of weird but people would get the picture.   
  
"Tai," T.K said. "Kari is not leaving me is she?"   
  
"No she's not T.K…"  
  
The blonde haired boy seemed to ease a little. His body wasn't as tense as it was before. A sense of relief washed through his body. A little smile appeared on his face.  
  
"Good, that's good…" T.K said.   
  
Tai walked over to the chair that he was sitting before and sat on it. Comfort was what he needed at the moment. He wondered how Sora could know something that neither he nor T.K knew. He would just have to wait till Sora's arrival.   
  
While Tai was thinking about what Sora had said, T.K was praying. He was saying the prayer in his mind.   
  
'Dear Heavenly Father,  
  
I may not be the best Christian and I may not be the best person, but I am sure you know who I am… I beg you not to take Hikari away from me; she means everything to me…as much as Matt had meant to me…I'm still asking myself, why…? Why would he do such thing? But I guess that question cannot be answered, it was for him to know, and for me not to know…But…but I want you to take good care of him; I hope to meet him again someday…I just have one favor, don't take Hikari from me, I need her, I really need her! I will be incomplete without her. Please make sure that she doesn't get any more ideas of killing herself, what would happen to me if she had died today? I really don't want to find out and neither does anyone else…so please, don't take her away from me…  
Amen.  
  
Just at the time he concluded his prayer, Kari stirred. Her eyes slowly fluttered open and as it focused, T.K squeezed her hand.   
  
"Hikari-chan, how are you feeling?" T.K asked.  
  
A faint smile appeared on Kari's face. She squeezed back T.K's hand.   
  
"I'm fine," she answered softly.  
  
Kari tore her eyes away from T.K and looked behind him. Tai was asleep on the chair, his head leaning back against the back of the chair, one of his hands rested on his head and the other one his lap.   
  
"I hope…I didn't cause so many problems for you and Onni-chan," Kari said, afraid that she had tired the two boys.   
  
"No, you didn't, but you really scared Tai," T.K said. "And you scared me a whole lot too…"  
  
"I'm so sorry T.K…I wasn't thinking properly, there was so many things in my mind," Kari justified herself.   
  
"I just want to know one thing…why? Why would you even think about it?" T.K asked.   
  
Kari turned to look out of the window and didn't say anything.   
  
"I mean, you're Yagami Hikari, the greatest enemy of darkness, but yet the one who triumph over it, you're close to being perfect Kari!" T.K exclaimed.  
  
Kari's turned her head sharply and stared right into T.K's eyes.  
  
"I am no where near being perfect, Takeru, no where near at all! And for your information, I have not yet triumph over the darkness in me, it's still fighting, trying to invade my mind, body and soul, I…I may not be able to fight it any longer, it's hard T.K, very hard…especially after someone close to me has died…"  
  
"Kari, don't you dare say that, remember when you were transported to the Dark Ocean? You managed to get out of there just fine…"   
  
"That was because I had you to protect me."  
  
T.K held on to Kari's hand with both of his hands. "I'm here Kari, and I'll always be here…nothing and I mean nothing is going to take you away from me!"   
  
Such strong emotional words he uses, Kari thought. How I want to believe his every word, how I want to believe that he will always be here.  
  
Kari remembered one of the things that Matt had said to her.  
  
"Kari, I will always be here, just come to me if you need a shoulder to cry on…" Matt had said.  
  
And where is he now?! Kari asked herself, half angry, half upset. He's gone and he's never coming back! I was so naïve to think that he would always be there when I needed him. What good does it do if T.K says the same thing? They had the same blood; he would probably leave me too.   
  
"Kari, promise me that you won't try to kill yourself again," T.K said desperately.   
  
Before Kari could answer, somebody that she didn't want to see arrived.   
  
She carried a little plastic bag and around her head was a black coloured beanie. She looked at Tai, then to T.K then finally to Kari.   
  
"What are you doing here?!" Kari asked vehemently.   
  
Sora looked at Tai who was fast asleep on the chair. Plan a backfired; she wanted Tai to be the one who gave it to Kari.   
  
"Kari…I have something to give you," Sora said quietly.  
  
"Nothing from you is worth receiving," Kari spat out.   
  
Sora looked hurt but she recovered from it quickly for now she knew why Kari was like this to her.   
  
"This is not from me, but from Yamato…" Sora said.  
  
Kari's eyes widened, not believing Sora. "Impossible," Kari muttered under her breath.  
  
"No it's not, I have one for you too T.K," Sora said. She saw the innocent boy's eyes lit up.   
  
Sora walked over to Kari and handed her the video tape and the letter that Matt had written. She also gave T.K the letter that was addressed to him.   
  
Kari's hand shook as she held on to the letter and the video tape. Did she really want to see what was inside the tape and the letter? Did she really want to find out, maybe another shocking truth that could permanently damage her life? Despite the hurt that she had endured, she wanted to know.   
  
With tremulous hands Kari unfolded the letter and read what was inside.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Yuki-kun: Ok now, I might not be known to you, but I am Sohma Yuki of Fruits Basket (Furuba), CherryBlossom's one and only Yuki! You see the button at the bottom here? You MUST press it, because if you don't...the curse that I have will automatically be transferred to you...the curse will take   
place after three days...so if you don't plan to press this review button, enjoy your three days, for your days won't be as that pleasant anymore...trust me I know..  
PRESS PRESS PRESS! 


	5. Beautiful As You

Finally!! The last chapter of Loving Hikari is up!! Hehehe I want to thankyou for your continous support, without your reviews I'm not sure whether I would have finished this story, well I hope you like the ending ^^ Don't forget to review!!   
  
Loving Hikari  
Chapter 5  
Beautiful As You  
  
Dear Hikari,  
You're reading this, I guess I'm gone…Did I cause so much chaos when I ended my life? I guess whatever answer you want to give me, I won't be able to hear it. Are you mad at me? If you are, don't keep it all in… it will only hurt you more, being me; I know how it feels like. Well, first of all, I want to apologize…I want to say I'm sorry that I have hurt everyone, especially you, when I ended my life, I know in your thoughts you were probably saying, "he wasn't thinking when he did this, he wasn't thinking at all!" But to tell you the truth, I was thinking…a whole lot too. The purpose of this letter is to tell you a few things that I never had got the chance to tell you. I have a feeling that the first thing you want to know, is why I decided to take suicide as my solution…the answer might seem lame to you, but it sure didn't seem lame to me. I had had enough Kari! I had enough of everything! Starting with my parent's divorce, it kills me to be separated from T.K and my Ka-san, it kills me that I had no loving mother to take care of me, and what kills me most of all is that I wasn't around T.K when he needed me the most. I was his bigger brother and what I had done for him? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! You should have seen the tears in his eyes when I told him I wasn't going to live with him any longer, you should have seen the pain in his eyes, and I couldn't do a thing to comfort him…that is one of the biggest regret I have in my life. Next thing was my popularity…did you know how many of my friends were jealous of me? Apart from your brother and the rest of the guys in our groups, all of my friends were. They started to call me things behind my back, they spread nasty rumours around the school. And anyone who tried to be my friend were either trying to get popular along with me or were trying to find my weakness. Funny isn't it? My weakness was clearly written all over my face; Fear of being unwanted, fear of not belonging. You know, I never really liked myself, and everyone knows that if you don't even like yourself, there are no chances that other people will like you. Now is everything clear Kari? Why I decided to do it? I know you felt like it was your fault and mostly Sora's, but it wasn't any of your faults, I had my own problems. There's another thing I want you to know, something really important for you to know. Do you still remember when you came over my house, looking as beautiful as ever, with your brown hair tamed with a bandana, and how we both rushed to the beach? It was such a beautiful day, it was the perfect day for saying things that we don't use usually say to other people. I still can taste the amazing food that you had prepared for the both of us; I can still smell the aroma of it. And then…and then you said the words that I have dreaded but waited eagerly for. "Aishiteru Yamato-kun, Aishiteru." I could have said 'I love you' back and save you the hurt and the sorrow but I couldn't, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead, I shattered your heart, something that I had never intended to do. Instead, I projected my coldest and iciest voice and said, "I don't love you, I never did, if this is your idea is some kind of a joke, please stop it, but if it's not, I want to make it clear to you that I love Sora, I told you this before. Understand it Kari, I have no feelings for you." You were speechless then, you couldn't say anything, I could feel your eyes burning on me. But instead of consoling you, I hurt you even deeper. "The reason I started hanging around with you is because you are much like Sora, physically and mentally. You both were blessed with the same brown hair, you were both blessed with grace, and you both put others before yourselves." It was then that you found your voice back and shot your words at me, "If I was so much like her, why can't you love me instead? Why can't you find space in your heart and grave my name on it? Why can't you love me the way you love her? It's not fair! I love you probably a million times more than her!" Kari, those words were true, those words were right, I don't think Sora had even loved me, but you gave me your everything, though I never did anything to really acknowledge it, but I couldn't say anything nice to you then, I couldn't. "You were just a mere substitute of her!" Your hand had shot up and slapped me across the face. I don't blame you, I deserved it. You weren't that strong, and your slap didn't hurt me that much, but … it wasn't the slap that hurt me, it was the words that you said. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" You got up and you left, I regret for not grabbing your hand and made you stay. I regret for being cold to you. As you were walking away, I turned to look at you, if only you had turned around and saw my feelings written across my face. But I guess all of that is too late, ne? What I didn't get to say to you was the biggest regret of my life! I couldn't say what I felt for you Kari. It was forbidden at the time. T.K, the little brother that I couldn't do anything for, loved you also. Before I became close to you, T.K had always told me how much he loved you and how much he wanted to touch your heart. Could I betray my little brother who looked up to me? No I couldn't, I didn't have the power to do so. After spending a lot of time with you, my feelings for Sora lessened and my feelings for you grew. When I told Sora that I loved her, I was actually looking for a substitute of you. But I never succeeded. I was so stupid; I had the original but wanted a copy. When T.K was going on about how much he wanted you, I couldn't imagine why he would want to date Tai's little sister, when Tai himself was a hotheaded person. But now I know why, now I know why Davis wanted you as well, now I know why boys in your school vie to get your attention. I had it Kari, I had all of your attention, but I rejected them, just because I couldn't face reality, just because I couldn't believe that I had fallen for my best friend's little sister, my little brother's crush. We both avoided each other for a while after our trip to the beach, ne Kari? But when I decided to end my life, I had to see you, I had to see you one more time. It was worth coming over your place, it was worth to talk to you for one last time, it was worth everything. Why do I get the feeling that you and T.K will be together? I know you love him too Kari, I know you care a lot for him. Please take care of him, take good care of him. You have no idea how much he did just so he could spend time with you, forget about me and start loving him the way you had loved me. Give him all you got; give him all of the compassion you've got. He might be younger than you, and you might be more mature than him, but love him, love him as much as possible. He needs you more than anything now that I'm gone. The tape I have given you is a video of you. Remember how I always take the video camera around with me? Remember how I always record you when you're quiet, when you're laughing, when you're smiling, when you're talking to me, when you're running, when you're doing your work? The tape is the result of it. Watch it alone. Don't show it to anyone else. I love you Yagami Hikari, I enjoyed spending time with you, and I hope you know my love for you is infinite.   
  
Love always,  
Yamato  
Blob. Another tear drop fell onto the paper, another one followed straight after.   
  
Baka, Yamato…Baka. Kari was saying in her thoughts. I had turned around, I had looked back, but all I could see was the back of your hair and the back of your body.   
  
Kari's hands were shaking, in fact her whole body was. She picked up the tape that lay still on her lap. Just For Hikari.   
  
Why didn't you just live, Matt? If you told me this earlier, I would have sacrificed my feeling for you and learn to love T.K one hundred times more than I already am. I would if you had asked me too. You could have just lived, even though I won't be with you, at least I still could see you.   
  
"Matt left Kari for me," T.K said, suddenly, his voice quivering. "He did it for my sake, he told me to take good care of her and that if I ever hurt Hikari-chan, he would get all of his spirit friends to haunt me. I have disappointed him; Hikari-chan went to hospital when she was in my care."  
  
"Takeru-chan…" Kari said softly.   
  
With his left hand holding his letter, he wiped his tears with his right hand.   
  
"Gomen, Kari, I'm sorry I had to be the forbidden gate between you and Matt, but I swear, I will make you the happiest girl in the world, you won't have to face sadness alone anymore, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere, my brother had said the same thing I know, but I am Takaishi Takeru and not Ishida Yamato, I will keep my promise. I'm sure Onni-chan intended to keep the promise too…"  
  
"I know T.K, I know," Kari said.   
  
T.K didn't say anything else; he just stared at the letter that he was holding in his hand, his body trembling.   
  
"T.K?" Kari called out softly.   
  
"Argh!" T.K snapped to no one. "Why Matt? Why did you just leave her for me? If you loved her, why didn't you fight for her? It would have been better, at least I would have been satisfied, even if I lose, I wouldn't be mad at you for the rest of my life, for a long time maybe, but not for all of my life. Now I feel bad, real bad. I feel that I took away your most precious possession."  
  
"T.K," Kari said again. "You know why he left me for you? Because he knew deep down I love you more."   
  
T.K's eyes locked with Kari's.   
  
"I really hope so Kari, I really do…"  
  
Kari knew that she was lying, but now that she knew the full truth, she could learn to love T.K the way that she had loved Matt. Though from the beginning she had loved T.K, she never could love him properly when she was still chained to the past. Now Matt had unlocked the keys that had bind her and she was free!   
  
Kari's eyelids grew heavy, and bit by bit, her eyes closed. She was tired, so tired. She needed sleep. Kari welcomed the darkness and slept, her hands clutched tightly to the tape and the letter.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A melodious piano music filled the Yagami's living room. Kari had been released from the hospital a week ago, and now she was alone in her apartment. Tai and Sora were out looking for a place that they could live in. Kari started to sing with deep emotion, her fingers still pressing the piano keys.   
  
Nee honto ha eien nante nai koto : Eternity really doesn't exist.  
  
Watashi ha itsu kara ki tsuite ita n darou : I wonder when I first realized that.  
  
Nee sore demo futari de sugoshita hibi ha : But I'm prouder than anyone else that  
  
Uso ja nakatta koto dare yori hokoreru : The days we spent together weren't lies.   
  
Ikite kita jikan no nagasa ha sukoshi dake chigau keredo mo : I've lived up to now, although the length of time is a little different.  
  
Tada deaeta koto ni tada ai shita koto ni omoiaenakute mo la la la la... wasurenai : Just having met you, just having loved you, even if we can't share our thoughts, La La La, I won't forget you.   
  
nee doushite konna ni mo kurushii no ni, anata ja nakya dame de soba ni itai n darou  
nee sore demo hon no sasayaka na koto wo, shiawase ni omoeru jibun ni nareta : Why even though it hurts so much, can't I think of anyone but you and I want to be with you, but I'm used to how I think of even small things as happy memories.  
  
Arifureta kotoba demo futari de kawasu nara imi wo motsu kara, tada deaeta koto de tada ai shita koto de, omoiaeta koto de kore kara mo... : Even clichés and meaningless words, if they're said between us, have meaning, just having met you, just having loved you, just having shared our thoughts…from now until forever…  
  
Shinjitsu to genjitsu no subete kara me wo sorasazu ni ikite iku akashi ni sureba ii : I should think of you as a proof that I live without taking my eyes off of truth and reality.   
  
Tada deaeta koto wo tada ai shita koto wo, nido to aenakute mo la la la la... wasurenai: Just having met you, just having loved you, even if I can never see you again, La La La La, I won't forget.   
  
Kari lifted her fingers from the piano. She loved that song, Matt had thought her how to play it on the piano. As she sat there Kari remembered the video that Matt had made for her. She watched it as soon as she was released from the hospital. Kari got up from the piano and walked to her room.   
  
She closed the door behind her, opened her wardrobe, rummaged through her clothes and found the secret chest that she had hidden. Around her neck was a silver key with little amethyst diamonds circling the top half of the key. Kari took it off her neck and inserted it to her chest. When it opened, a soft music filled the room. Kari picked up the tape that was inside and closed the chest and put it back where she had taken it from.   
Kari walked out of her room and inserted the video to the VCR. Her image appeared on the TV. She was on Matt's balcony, leaning on the railings. The wind was blowing her brown hair. And Matt's voice came in the background.   
  
"From the moment I saw you, from the moment I look into your eyes, there was something about you I knew, I knew…that you were once a lifetime, a treasure near impossible to find, and I know how lucky I am to have you…"  
  
The Kari in the video turned to look at the camera and smiled. A smiled that Kari had once forgotten how to trigger.   
  
"I've seen rainbows that could take your breath away, the beauty of the setting sun on any given day, and when it becomes to shooting stars I have seen a few, but I've never seen anything as beautiful as you…"  
  
Then the scenery changed. They were in the beach, the same beach that Kari had slapped Matt in. The sun was high in the sky, and the waves were crushing against the ocean. The camera staggered a little then stood still. Matt had adjusted the camera so that he could be in the video too. Kari then appeared, running to the wet sand. Matt ran right after her and grabbed her from behind, and they both laughed happily.   
  
"I can't believe that I have you, I can't believe that you're here in my arms, I've been waiting a lifetime for you, for you…I've dreamed about you, pictured in my mind who I would see, but I'd never imagined just how beautiful you'd be…"  
  
They both started splashing water at each other, and then they both tripped and fell down to the water. All soaked wet, they laughed again.   
  
"I've seen rainbows that could take your breath away, the beauty of the setting sun on any given day, and when it becomes to shooting stars I have seen a few, but I've never seen anything as beautiful as you…"  
  
Then again, the place changed. Kari was sitting down at an edge of a rock, not saying a word. She was in deep concentration and Matt didn't want to miss the chance and recorded her.  
  
"Wohhh! I've seen rainbows that could take your breath away, the beauty of the setting sun on any given day, and when it becomes to shooting stars I have seen a few, but I've never seen anything as beautiful as you…"  
  
Kari turned to look at the camera covered it with her hands and she said, "Stop it, it's getting annoying…"  
  
Matt just laughed his reply and switched it off.   
The television screen went blank and Kari sighed. He recorded so many scenes! And he just put three on, how lame. Kari said in her mind as she took the tape out.   
She walked back to her room and placed the tape back into the chest. While doing so, she grabbed one of her black jackets off the coat hanger, and wore it. She walked out of the room and out of the apartment.   
Kari walked quickly, paying attention to no one. She bought a few flowers while she was walking. Before she knew it she was in front of the cemetery. Kari opened the gate and walked in and made her way to Matt's grave.   
  
For a few seconds, she just stood there, staring at the stone that engraved his name.   
  
"It's ok Matt," Kari said quietly. "I'm taking good care of T.K, I just realized how much he really needs me and how much he means to me…I love him, just the way you wanted it to turn out, but don't think I'm forcing myself to, I love him because I grew to love him and now he is the most important person in my life."   
  
Kari, of course didn't receive a reply, but instead a soothing breeze swept past her. Kari smiled.  
  
"I'm happy now Matt, you don't need to worry…"  
Again, another breeze swept past her.   
  
Kari stepped forward and placed the flowers that she had bought on top of Matt's grave. They were bright yellow, hope's colour. Kari bowed down her head and said a little prayer. When she was finished she looked at the stone one last time and walked out of the cemetery. As she was walking out, she felt another person's presence beside her. She knew whose aura it was.   
As soon as she was out of the cemetery, the aura disappeared. Kari turned to look at the cemetery before she left the location.   
  
"I haven't lost you, I guess, and I'm happy…" Kari said and walked away.   
When she arrived back at her apartment, T.K was there, waiting for her outside the apartment.   
  
"I just arrived," T.K said.   
  
Kari hugged her blonde hair hunk and planted a soft kiss on his lips.   
  
"I love you, Kari," T.K said.   
  
"I love you too, T.K…" Kari replied.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
=-My Special Thanks-=  
  
Lauragrace - Kali   
Athena - Courage (also thankyou for putting me in your favourite author list ^^)  
C12azy-m3(And to you too, for putting me into your fav author list)   
Karensedai-Kibou No Tenshi (I just love your reviews!!!!!!!)  
Little Birdie  
  
Thankyou for putting this story into your favourites !! I really appreciate it!!   
  
_=_{M}Y V3Ry SpECiaL ThaNkS_=_  
DigimonRule - ANDY!! heheheh I'm really thankful for you! The emails you've sent me, have sure really made my day! I'm disappointed that you wont be reading anymore Digimonfics, but, I'm happy that a person like you have read mine! ^^   
  
-{m}y thanks-  
Silvershadow  
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